disclaimer, alcohol concentration in my bloodstream is above zero at the moment.
“So which side are you actually fucking on?” is the classical question some people ask me in a very disappointing and angry tone, usually after a heated discussion (or sometimes more accurately, argument), and almost 100% without and failure, they have always been consistently disappointed with my response to that specific question. Their answers to my response vary from “fucker” to “idiot” and some times even “fucking stupid idiot” depending on the person on the recieving side of that response.
My mom is among the people whom sadly I have to disappoint from time to time. More than once that she has called me a “brainwashed traitor”. A quite funny label to be honest, given to a person whom you spent more than a decade to raise in your own house I suppose. In some sense I do quite agree with her, “brainwashing” is probably the only sane explanation that can be used to reason how could your own child, whom has only left home for few years, come back with a set of beliefs for which can only be described as treasonous.
So which side am I actually fucking on?
I am on neither side.
Because this is not a question I have to answer, and there is really no side to choose. I am not basing my belief and my thoughts on a preset doctrine of imagined societies, regardless of their names. I am who I am and I owe no one no explanations. It’s the only answer so I might as well just say it here. I can understand your anger and rage but I cannot feel them. Because it’s not real, it’s a purely imagined, invented feeling and emotion, crafted, designed and planted with such sophistication. In its core, it’s empty, hollow and idle. I do not claim my ability to tell them apart because I am merely a human, but at least I am going to damn try.
A friend at Facebook once told me that, engineers who are smart enough to build rockets now spend all their time designing systems that can influence your mind. Then in turn, your behaviours. Quite a funny joke at the moment, not so funny afterwards when I had some time to think about it. It’s chilling. With our own very hands and our knowledge, we have created a new age which we thought would be the new chapter of humanity. It’s only now that we might have begun to realized, it could become the age of darkness.
Now, as I am being surrounded and slowly disarmed, I see a faint light of hope. I reach out to the light but it’s far too away. With no escape route in sight, I suppose this is where I will take my last stand, at the last battlefield, inside of my mind.
And at last, leave my mind alone.